A Treatise on the various slangs of Modern India

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Engineering institutes have such an oxymoronic existence. Glassy, multicoloured facades harboring dulled, grey brains inside. Wide, smooth roads going hand in hand with a ban on bikes. An incredible 20:1 ratio of boys:girls ratio. I suspect this ratio is more skewed if we take the ratio of (males+non-males):females. Galore of PhD holders who cant teach without peeking into chits every 5 seconds. Students who had more knowledge when they came in than when they pass out. Mess food that when consumed tries to defy the natural law of gravitation and comes out from the mouth rather than coming out from the ass. Slangs being the first words you get to imbibe from the mind boggling medley of languages.
Now slangs are hardly used literally. Rather they are used as punctuation, or emphasis, as innocuous a word as 'shit' or 'damn' or just a means of beckoning or referring to someone. Slangs can be endearing or really dirty. And the most fascinating fact about slangs is their common etymology and subject matter.
A very astute observation was made in Maximum City by Suketu Mehta. “The different countries of India can be identified by the way each pronounces the word bhenchod- from the Punjabi bhaenchod to the thin Bambaiyya pinchud to the Gujarati bhenchow to the Bhopali elaboration bhen-ka-lowda. Parsis use it all the time, grandmothers, five-year-olds, casually and without any discernible purpose except as filler: 'Here, bhenchod, get me a glass of water.' 'Arre, bhenchod, I went to the bhenchod bank today.”
By far the funniest and sweetest slangs that I have heard are from my Assamese friends. Its almost lyrical in composition and involves the juxtaposition of a lot of profanity. One of my favorites goes like this “maksudu sudirbhai bhonieksuda kotimora rokatkhuwa”. When translated it reads motherfucker brotherfucker sisterfucker………… The rest is too gross to go on. But the most famous assamese slang that will be etched in our memories is bal, the name with which one of my friends has been christened with. Its sister language Bengali possesses fewer expletives the most common one being bokachoda, or foolfucker or Khankir Chele meaning son of a bitch .
I personally find Oriya slangs a bit more coarse than Assamese and Bengali . The most popular ones being maghia, or motherfucker; or chhodipua, whose origins are very obscure and cannot be accurately verified. Gandimara or assfucker also reigns among some people. And there is also the punctuation slang banda meaning cock. But lets gloss over the remaining ones and go south.
Now my interaction with people from south is quite limited, mostly restricted to the indomitable gultis. Now the term gulti itself is a portmanteau slang according to popular literature but I cannot be sure. Gultis here have byfar adopted Hindi and Oriya slangs. The only discernible profanity from Telegu is lanja kodaka or son of a bitch. Now my gulti friends did not offer further co-operation in the debasing of their language. Down further south I am aware of just two slangs, Kunji Poo or a cock turd and mair meaning pubic hair. Incidendentally mair finds a place in our unofficial NIT Rourkela slogan.
Finally I come to the Hindi heartland, home to the most popular profanities. Suketu has already given a fine testimony to bhenchod. I need not describe more. Other than bhenchod we have got machod or in Bhojpuri madarjat, popularised by Ajay Devgan in the cult movie Gangajaal. Related slangs include maa-ki-ankh or maa-ka-bhosda or maa-ka lawda or maa-ki-chut. I haven’t gone deep into the etymology of bhosda so cant help with its meaning. Then there is randi-ka-pilla, jhaantu, gaandu, bhosdiwale, laude-ka-bal, betichod, tharki etc. Of course punctuaction slangs are galore like lund, lauda, chut, choddu etc. But the most common and loved slang is chusega mera or chus which of course means suck my dick. Men really do have a fetish for oral ministrations.
Anyways wrapping up, I feel that although these slangs can be very easily related to their anglicized versions they are deigned as uncouth, coarse and vulgar. People find motherfucker easier to say than madarchod. Probably many are under the illusion that hurling profanities in english makes you more polished, urbane and coool. Fool’s Paradise eh! :P