Monday, December 22, 2008

For Sale: Baby Shoes; Never worn

To cut a long story short...
I am a bunch of almosts...
I was and now I am not...
Not quite what i was planning...
Came, Saw, Conquered: Had second thoughts...
Brought it to a boil often...
My reach always exceeded my grasp...
Still lost on roads less travelled...
Not quite what i was planning...
Age grows, I'hv finally accepted me...
Yes. you can edit this biography...
Hemingway Inspired, Rest Plagiarised from Smith....

Friday, September 5, 2008

20 Fool Proof ways of getting a GPL.

1.Bang all the doors of your corridor as loudly as you can at 4 in the morning during a weekday, preferably if there are labs the next day.

2.During a serious game of carom in the common room creep up slowly from behind a player and scatter the dots. If you can manage it at regular intervals the more chances of success.

3.Sit quietly with your friends who have been dying to see this suspense flick for ages (The Dark Knight…for e.g.) and because you have seen it before shout out the climax.

4.When sharing the only fag of the day which you have managed to procure with utmost difficulty coz of course all of you are broke, when it’s your turn take the fag and run.

5.During playing CS on the LAN, if there is a serious match going on don’t miss the opportunity. Flash and smoke your friends to oblivion.

6.During India-Pakistan 20-20 match pull the plug of the TV from its socket during a very critical moment.

7.Stand quietly behind a player when a heated match of 29 is going on and shout out his cards to everyone.

8.Send a love-card during Valentine’s Day in your friend’s name to some of the mammoths of the other species that reside in the Ladies’ Hostel. The uglier the specimen, the better reaction you would receive.

9.If you are from Mechanical branch make faces from outside the window to the hapless Electrical chaps coz of course you don’t have classes.

10.If you are of the Non-GMAT community attend the class when all the rest of your backbencher community has decided a mass bunk. Call the teachers personally.

11.During the class of Dr. Ghosh or some other dreaded Professor start hitting the ear-lobe of the guy sitting in-front of you.

12.Imbibe the Saha syndrome. Start being very intimate (physically) with your friends. If possible take off your pants in the middle of the room.

13.If one of your friend has been sent goodies from his home, and you have come to know of it. Don’t tell anyone and gobble it up all with your friend of course. Then start visiting everybody’s room remarking how tasty the food was.

14.In the early mornings quietly go into the rooms where communal sleeping is practiced. Smear toothpaste on someone’s nipples, paint moustaches and beards in marker pens and pour the foulest smelling powder on their heads. Just take care that you don’t make any noise and leave a note informing them that you were the perpetrator.

15.If you have unfortunately got a girl-friend go out with her everyday and describe what all you have eaten for Dinner to your seething friends. Better still, ask money from them to get a fag.

16.When people are busy playing on the LAN and their G-Talk ids have the message “Busy in a game. Dnd”, start pinging them away like mad. Buzz them; send them emoticons and stupid messages.

17.Start a rumor that the next day is a holiday. Cite the reason being some national bandh or whatever. People will believe you coz no one reads the papers.

18.Bore everyone by your rhymes, senseless songs and clichéd dialogues. For further information on this topic contact any guy from Mechanical Branch. They have written theses on the evolution of PJs.

19.When there is GPL going on in the quadrangle, incite the crowd from a balcony by throwing stones, water at them. Pull faces and make the declaration that no one has the guts to touch you.

20.A nasty but very effective tactic. Jack off on someone’s bed and don’t dispose off the stuff.

P.S. Tried and tested approaches.
P.P.S. 100% Guarantee from the author.
P.P.P.S. After a successful execution run like hell coz if you get caught you won’t live to tell the story.
:)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Seven Stages Of Drunkenness

Weekdays at NITR is all about grey. The grey atmosphere, greying and peeling walls, greying professors and our own greying intellect. The whole charade is so dull and staid that I don’t think you would want to be me. Come to think of it, even I wouldn’t be me if I had the choice. So it is with a passion akin to deep seated longing, I await the weekends. But, alas time also plays strange tricks on us out here. It mysteriously warps itself around making the weekends so ephemeral and flitting.

My personal opinion is that most of us drink just to maintain sanity. By Saturday night I just salivate at the mere mention of drinks. By midnight, we the dregs of NIT society set about on the process of painting the town red. As my mind wavers during these bacchanalia I take a look around at my inebriated friends and see the stages we proceed through our drinks.

Verbose:- The hallucinating chords of Pink Floyd course through our system, taking our minds to a new high. Words seem to take a new meaning altogether as we hum alongside Gilmour. The aroma of neat whiskey anasthesize us to all the extraneous world. After the first three pegs,words flow from our mouths unbidden, like coins from a torn pocket. Never had the simple act of speaking seemed like a panacea for all our troubles. We talk about the past, that so frequently trod upon path making deeper grooves with each peg.

Amicose:- As the good feeling swells inside us, we sing paeans for one another, glorifying our virtues and dumping our faults in the collective mirth of drunkenness. Its these moments that last forever making you feel that “ If I am going to hell, at least my friends would be there”. As the drink slowly gets into the system we cut silly jokes, exchange pleasantries, laughing at one another and basking in our love for one another.

Grandiose:- The world is a small pool and we are the big fish in it. A trip to Goa, getting a perfect 10, nice dream jobs were never so real. Big men, big ambitions. We used to be people who used to be the torch-bearers of this generation. But this apathetic system has made us shrink so much that nowadays we cant even see what is in store for us ahead. We relive our days of glory, the days when a mere job hanging by a slender thread wasn’t the only way of redemption. Our crushed souls take new meaning out of life with every peg, opportunity seems to be around the corner.

Bellicose:- We take the sword to the cause of all our troubles. The antediluvian society, its archaic morals and rules tying us to the ground. Encumbered by desire and ambition we try to clear the obstacles besetting us. The insti, profs, G-mats receive their share of the choicest ma-behen galis.We feel relieved after venting ourselves.

Morose:-As much I would want it to be a mere footnote of my epic saga of drinking, people start breaking down. I admit sometimes I also feel on the brink of shedding tears. Nothing seems right, nothing is going our way. These are the most emotionally vulnerable phases of the night. I guess for us guys eight large pegs are needed to relive our darkest secrets. We contemplate everything that has gone wrong with our life. Sometimes with no else to talk to you, you even make the mistake of drinking and dialing your ex. Warning, it is at this stage guys like Hemingway have reached for the shotgun.

Stuporous:- By this time two bumpers have been downed. As we get up the head is heavy on our shoulders, the legs unsteady, the eye unseeing. People start bending over balconies and emptying all they have consumed the whole day. You get the feeling that the world doesn’t exist so you start peeing in the streets coz of course no one can see you.

Comatose:- People who can stagger back to their rooms, or others who have to be carried are all dumped unceremoniously on beds. The night is past and you know that when you wake up twelve hours later you will be having an almighty hangover and the dread of having to face the same routine all over.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

A SUMMER OF FAITH'S PERFECTION

As I sat looking outside my window, watching the days slip by, a lot of ephemeral thoughts flit across my mind, chasing each other, gamboling playfully like Puck in the woods, completely oblivious to me. They trespass upon my darkest secrets, hidden in vaults dusty with time with absolute impunity. They mock at my pitiful attempts to restrain them. Lost in thought, lost in time I cannot separate myself from them, gazing on as they bring forth a new understanding to the things unseen, to the realms unexplored. I sleep fitfully being overwhelmed by the tempest raging within me. Chimerical shapes and creeping silhouettes, ghouls of my mental void seek to overpower me and drag me to the icy depths of hopelessness.

I have become a lunatic in my head. Self doubt gnaws incessantly at my brain, whispering insidious thoughts into my ears. I feel bile rising in my mouth. I lurch into the darkest pits of gloom, feeling nothing but a hopeless impotency in my attempts to shake of the shackles that bound me. I feel like a ship marooned in the doldrums taking the course of the non-existent winds.

I strive to clear my mind, gain control over my senses. I seek light, trying to see the sun. Then from out of nowhere I hear soothing strands of some beautiful music wafting towards me. I break the shackles binding me, finding the truth in a moment of utmost clarity. I seem to hover out of my body; my mind is a limitless horizon. I expand my thoughts, sleepwalking back on my past. I saw the mistakes I had committed, the frailties of my nature. I become whole again, gaining control over mind and body. The listlessness had lifted and I could breathe easy again. All the world had become my playground, the first Child of Man. Hope filled like air in my lungs, and exhilaration rushed through my blood. Faith pumped like adrenaline, coursing through my veins shaping my life as I saw fit. My sails have unfurled, seeking the lands unknown and paths uncharted.

I would never be the inveterate gambler of my destiny. I will carve my own way through the hopeless quagmire of life. I will go hammer and tongs on the obstacles in my path. I have hope and faith, which may be the best of things.