On The Fair(err..) Sex

Disclaimer: This is not penned with a malicious intent neither does this to seek to defame any person, whether living or dead. Any resemblance to any person or persons is purely coincidental and is deeply regretted:P

Now as this is my blog and I have full rights to post anything, I risk being branded as a Male Chauvinist Prick by the aforementioned sex in order to express some of my observations.
Now that I cant claim to have a vast experience of the other sex, these observations are just a collective experience of myself, friends and also a reputed youth writer. I welcome suggestions and explanations from the other sex to help me better understand them and clarify some of my pre-conceived notions. Anyways let me begin without much further ado.
1. Have you ever noticed that when you need utmost quiet and need to sort out things with yourself that's the precise moment you get asked " Why are you so quiet?". And just when you have decided to unveil all your secrets to the person thats exactly when you are asked to shut up.
2. Have you also ever noticed that most of the sentences between you two start and end with so. The sentences generally start with her telling So.... and they generally end with you explaining ....So. Or they might end with her saying " I told you so.."
3. Can anyone explain me why the tear glands of men are nearly vestigial organs while they work with redoubled vigour in case of women? You see men always start off with a disadvantage in an argument or something like that. And yet women are the weaker sex. Personally I suggest counting sheep or seconds is a very good idea when you are in the middle of such a tear-fiesta.
4. Also while each and every tiny little fault that you have comes under extreme scrutiny, you dont have any right to question any habits of theirs. Hell breaks loose if you tell them that you dont like something that they have done.
5. And if you are late for a date or a phone call, the Lord may save you. A verbal assault is inevitable. But if they are late for some appointment dont expect a sorry or whatever. Infact get ready to hear it sound as if it was your fault. Coz some bloody fool invented some crappy system called chivalry some 1000 years ago.
6. And what about the urban myth that girls behave like long lost sisters when they meet, but bitch about each other in private?
7. Probably I should not venture into some of the more inexplicable and other-worldly behaviours of girls like drawling out words, baby talk, giving cheesy, stupid nicknames, the fluttering of eyes, the collective shrieks of joy or the use of five differently colored pens to embellish their copies and records.
8. Another disconcerting fact is that girls always bemoan and wail about a endangered species called " Suitable Boyfriend". Maybe they expect something of a knight in shining armour. Sorry to disappoint you girls, you only find stuffed knights in armour in museum's nowadays.
And to potential boyfriends one tip from the movie "Just Friends": Please dont let the relation glide into that Friend Zone. You see once the girl considers you as your friend, your dating possibilities are screwed. Harry and Sally only exist on the silver screen.
9. And yes women play God these days. The adage " Man proposes. God disposes" is history. Today's saying is " Men propose. Women dispose".
10. But no need to despair folks. Coz evolution is on our side. The class stud or the football jock might get to date the prettiest chick, but when its time for marriage women go for the fattest chicken. And in our fucked-up society her daddy helps her find one. As The Worm says " In the poker of life women are the biggest rake".
I also believe all these feminists shouting all that crap about equal rights and all dont believe in it themselvs. They are the one who campaign about being the weaker sex and enforce the idea that women deserve some special privilege for being themselves. The moment you treat them as equals you get looked down upon as a chauvinist.
Yet, after writing all this I wish I was wrong about everything I said. It kills me to admit that girls make this world a little more beautiful place to live in. At least 3 years of Engg. have taught me that.