Remedis Amoris

So far so I have seen lots of kinds of love. Also the miserable endings. Love at first sight, which continues until one of the pair discovers true sight. Blind love where the saga continues till both the protagonists are blind to everything else. True love which continues until either of the pair discovers a truer love. One-sided love which is always doomed to die a lonely death. Unrequited love where your better half doesnt give a rat's fart about your feelings.

But coming back to what I was saying, the past few months have been a heart-break season here. People have been breaking up left, right and centre. In fact it has been so prevalent that I guess Cupid's agents must be playing hookey. Otherwise there should be no logical reason that at NIT Rkl, the place which sees more anomalous pairs than anywhere else, there should be so many break-ups.

Suddenly there are more morose faces, a greater quantity of alcohol consumed than the regular, people watching more chick flicks than the usual, more unbearable love-lorns songs wafting across the corridors. I have been assured that these are popular cures for love-Remedis Amoris.

I did some investgating into it and found some incredible facts.In Tallinn, Estonia, The  Raeapteek drug store has been preparing and dispensing a concoction of marzipan to ‘relieve the pain of love’ since 1422. There must be some modicum of truth to it for otherwise it would have been drummed out of business since long.

Picking up a few chunks of potent marzipan may literally be easier to swallow (and safer) than some of the other cures that the store stocks like the grease of dirty sheep’s wool, pieces of ancient mummies, burned bees and the like. In fact, most ancient remedies tend to concentrate on weird exotica, from bulls’ testicles (famed as an aphrodisiac in Spain) to lizards soaked in urine, periwinkles mixed with powdered earthworms to the Spanish fly.

Even Nietzsche’s remedium amoris — “The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return” — doesn’t hold good in these fickle days. Who knows you may land in a deeper pit than you were in before.

My prescription for this malady-heaps and heaps of self love. One kind of love where you donot have to suffer from any insecurity, rejections, no costly dates to keep your girlfriend happy, no use of recharge offers. All you need is to bask in narcisstic glory. Besides, why take the risk of falling in love once again when statistics suggest that for achieving one successful relation you need to experience 5 unsuccessful ones. 

Seven Sins, Revisited

Its amazing how life forces you to change your outlook, how it manages to rein you in when you seem to be getting ahead of yourself and how it makes itself come to a grinding halt altogether. It is not yet one year since I had written about my own Seven Sins. And I marvel how I have been made to eat my own words after one year. I have been made to eat the humble pie. Now I am not flying with eagle wings, soaring above the nondescript multitude. I now cannot afford the magnanimousity I had taken to be granted of myself. Never before have I had to look forward at such a bleak and uncertain future. It is with a radical change in perceptions that I now rewrite my thoughts on my sins. 

Pride- I used to be proud. It did not matter to me whether it was for my benefit or for my loss. I thought myself sheltered from people or things because of a monumental ego. It made me wax with pride to believe that I could revel in mediocrity while being above it and being aware of it. But what of it now, that I have rendered myself mediocre in all eyes-be it that of others or mine. Where does that leave me now? When self-doubt gnaws at my pride, eating at the remnants of self confidence and making my knees go weak. I think I never missed being proud as I do of this moment.

Envy- It is human to be envious, I concede now and not the lament of the weak-willed. The nonchalance that precedes the apathy at the success of your competition, always leads to failure in the long run. It is envy that makes you hungry, doesnot let you sleep in peace, harangues you until you decide to either rise up to the occasion or slink away unnoticed into pall of failure where it consumes you. But that is life. It is as fair as you decide it to be.

Wrath- I am wrathful. The anger that turns inwards burns my whole soul, arresting my whole being in paroxysms of self-hatred. It does not leave me in peace for a second. It does not let the bygones to be bygones. It twists the fabric of me and wishes that it had the tremendous power to wrench the part of me that has brought this day upon me.

Sloth- This is the sin that describes me best. This is the part of me that decided that I should be the grasshopper and not the ant. It has a faithful sidekick too-Procrastination. Amazingly I used to be proud of this pair not long ago. Its only when you taste the bitter fruit of failure that you have to rethink of everything. And yet knowing all this, I tremble to think of Sloth's overbearing influence on me.

Greed- Nowadays I am not just greedy about the small things in life, I am also greedy about the larger things and if I do admit, especially so. I am materialistic since now I know it is easiest to be non-materialistic when everything is within your grasp. Love and companionship, the things I used to be greedy about are intangible, not a blue-chip investment for one's greed. Greed is best served when it is meant for objects that can be attained and not pipe dreams.

Gluttony-When you have remained hungry for the better part of four years, one knows how to value food. And this reminds me of beer, something that I believe can sustain me now. This one sin is not going to change hopefully under any circumstances.

Lust-I dont believe myself when I re-read what I wrote last year. What positive frame of mind possessed me to see that vision in red, I do not know but I now assure myself I am well cured of it. My lust is common and ordinary now, hopefully to my satisfaction.

Tagged..Useless Facts

I havent had either the good or the bad fortune to be tagged much be it Orkut or Facebook or Picassa...And its a first to be tagged in Blogging. Thank you Amrita(http://theeshadowgirl.blogspot.com) for being the first to avail me of the opportunity :D

Some Useless Facts About Me:

• What is your current obsession?

Misanthropy. I am oxymoronic when it comes to socializing, being a popular antisocial but right now I am leaning towards hatred for myself and others.

• What are you wearing today?

Duh...Black as usual...A Dreamtheater T-shirt and shorts...Nothing fashionable for me

• What's for dinner today?

Some inedible shit..I am so sick of mess food that the thought of it makes me want to puke..

• What's the last thing you bought?

Swimming trunks..After 3 years of interminable wait the swimming pool has been finally opened for us miserable souls...And boy its such a welcome relief from the baking heat.

• What are you listening to right now?

Pearl Jam...Alive and Black from the album Ten.

• What do you think about the person who tagged you?

Amrita is probably the coolest girl I have met. Its not everyday you meet a girl with beauty and brains and a superb sense of humour to match. And it helps when we share the same tastes and birthdays to boot :P

• If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

I am lost for options...but I would go for a thatched shack somewhere in the South Sea Islands :)

• What are your must-have pieces for summer?

Hmm...nothin would be as good as any answer.. In the burning heat of NITRkl hostels one cant sleep in anything but shorts or good old underwears.

• If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Lots of picks once more :( But I think I would choose Karnak, Thebes and The Valley of Kings)..

• Which language do you want to learn?

French, Italian and Spanish...French first so that I can watch Audrey Tatou movies without subtitles..

• What’s your favourite quote?

Currently this one from Shantaram.

"Loves are like that. You heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you started throwing people out - your friends and everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take down with it. That's why I'm sick of Love."

• Who do you want to meet right now?

No one.

• What is your favourite colour?

Black and Black

• Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.

This question is not meant for me...Just making my hair manageable is too onerous a task for me:P

• What is your dream job?

This is easy...Teaching English at University level. Maybe they call it a dream job coz its destined to remain a dream.

• What’s your favorite magazine?

Reader's Digest...although I love the RD's of yore more than the contemporary ones..of the 70s and 80s.

• If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

Books..They are my best friends, through thick and thin they have been there always. So its befitting that this amount be spent on them. And if some amount is left I would have 2 beers:P

• What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

Err....No idea..( but kudos to you Amrita for thinking of your faux-pas :D)

• Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

Paris Hilton....Till date I have no idea why such a definitive dumb blonde is always in the news...

• What kind of haircut do you prefer?

Any haircut that stops my hair from doing stuff on its own.

• What are you going to do after this?

Indulge in soliloquy..One of my favorite past times.

• What are your favorite movies?

So many of them...The Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, Amelie, Schindler's List, The Dark Knight, 12Angry Men, American Beauty, Casablanca, LOTR, Fight Club, Dr. Strangelove, Taxi Driver, Notting Hill....well its too long to list.

• What inspires you?

Nothingness mostly....the fact that everything finally comes to a naught keeps me sustained.

• What do your friends call you most commonly?

Something I dont want to tell...Its my blog and I have exclusive rights to state what I deem fit.

• Would you prefer coffee or tea?

Dont Care..Whatever is available and whatever is necessary to keep me awake.

• What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

Dive into books. The best thing about books is that they can help you turn into whatever you want. Suddenly you find the real world dissolving away and find yourself enmeshed in a world where everything revolves around you.

• What makes you go wild?

The crashing waves of the oceans and the imposing mountains. They release the spirit trapped inside me at first sight. Of course I discovered 8 beers can have the same effect too.

• Which other blogs do you love visiting?

Not many..me not an avid blogger...Jus visiting mine is so much of an ordeal.

• Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

Dark Chocolate....Anything for its sinful delights :)

• How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?

Three...It generally stays this way.. I am not much of a browsing addict.

• Favorite Season?

Winters...Preferrably in d seaside.

• If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?

I dont even know how light the gas cooker so in your dreams.

• What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

By dont giving a fuck..

• What are you afraid of the most?

Myself

• When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

Urghhh....another niteout, drooping eyelids, hair sticking up..in short Mirror Cracking material.

• What brings a smile on your face instantly?

Lots of stuff..Food, Beer, Chocolates, Books, and among people Ari and Chirag of course :P

• A word that you say a lot?

Fuck. Its the most complete word in English Literature. To my amazement I found out that it can be used in all the 9 parts of speech. So this single word can help express a whole gamut of feelings without being verbose.

• When was the last time you did something nice?

Can't remember honestly...If giving alms counts then I do it often on train journeys but nothing other than that.

• What would you do if you were made President of India for one day?

Enjoy each and every single comfort of the Rashtrapati Bhawan and create a record for sleeping in the maximum no of bedrooms in a single day.

• Do you Know who Master SHIFU is?

Wasnt that impressed with KUNG-FU PANDA...Some weird kind of raccoon most probably.

So now to do the rituals I shall tag some of my friends and/or blog-friends. If you despise tags and them as a farce, then you are excused. If not then I insist that you complete this tag and share with the world all the useless facts about you. Cheers.

This chain had to end somewhere and it is ME. The friends whom I want to tag dont blog and the friends who blog are not worth tagging.

On Feb 14

I was well into my early teens when I first heard of the Saint and the eponymously named festival held on Feb 14. I was yet untouched by Cupid’s arrows which had struck down so many of my friends leaving them bleeding their hearts out on the altar of love. I don’t know if love was in the air but change was certainly in the air. 

Girls became a sub-species under Homo Sapiens. Precious pocket money was spent on Archie’s cards rather than on Centerfresh cards. People who couldn’t string two sensible words together were waxing love lyrics. The Rose, a flower which I have always felt is a bit overhyped, assumed much more important connotations. Love-lorn expressions ruled the day instead of heated discussions on last evening’s WWE matches. People with the heart of a chicken were vowing to slit their wrists and seal their love in blood. The whole day was fraught with nervous tension, shaky legs, brittle laughter, some elated hearts and many broken ones. And as for me, I was nonplussed and amazed at the inanity surrounding the whole charade. It was something out of a Coen Brothers’ movie: funny but macabre at the same time.

The years have rolled on and the only things that has changed is the size of the dent made in your pocket. Globalization and the Commercialization of the arrows’ of Cupid have ensured that a mere card of the past isnt sufficient enough. V-Day is something to be planned to perfection right from the message in the card down to the tint of the roses. 

Now, lacking my previous asperity and the insolent candour of an armchair critic, I think I have gained a sliver of knowledge into the Valentine psyche.The social hypocrisy that enmeshes us so tightly in its grasp has ensured that love is in the movies, in all forms of music, in literature, in the air we breathe. It surrounds us everywhere, except that we never feel an iota of it. True Love is like an urban myth. Countless have heard of it, barely anyone has experienced it.

So if one day out of the other mundane 365 days is reserved entirely for the celebration of love, I don’t think its asking for too much. Never mind that next Valentine, you will be whispering sweet nothings into the ear of someone other than the special person of this year. Never mind that you are among the millions of souls whose love is unrequited this year. Never mind that this year you have no one special to celebrate it with. 

Cupid’s arrow will strike true some Valentine or the other. Then you wont belong to the class of people mentioned above. Then you will realize love need not a reason nor occasion to celebrate, neither doth it need to wait for Valentine’s Day to manifest itself.

A Paean to Friendship

As another epoch in my life draws to a close in a matter of months, I feel in my heart an unfamiliar tug of emotions and a rush of bittersweet memories. The rites of passage from an institution isn't a novel experience for me, they have been the bookmarks in a largely sordid and insipid book. Also I am not inclined towards the hysterics and melodrama that ensues at the time of bidding farewell to an institution.

Being endowed with a deeply cynical outlook towards life and all that comes with it, I have rarely paused to ponder about such stuff. Such thoughts are generally relegated to the locked attic in my brain which I rarely pay a visit, and if so its a perfunctory one, whose sole purpose is to reaffirm my own humanity.

I have always maintained the belief that in the journey of life there is never a co passenger for life. People accompany us in our journey to some milestone and then depart for their own destinations with their own preordained companions. Hence I have never been overtly sentimental about friendships and relations. People come and go. Some leave indelible impressions, etching their presence permanently, others are like the morning dew, beautiful while it lasts and leaving just a whiff of their fragrance in our lives.

But my nihilist stand has been shaken in these four years of glorious existence. As I took a break from the mad rat-race, I realized that only a gift of the gab and a self deprecating humor had made me an affable companion. That inadvertently I was seeking solitude in the midst of company. That I had not visited my locked attic in a long time.

Four years have passed since then. I no longer recall the milestones that had marked my participation in the race. I no longer despair much at my silly failures and nor do I rejoice alone in my not-so-big achievements. I no longer lock my attic.

I have realized the magnanimosity of my friends of yore, who have conveniently looked beyond my shortcomings of nature. I have realized that some people can accompany you in your journey of life, only if you don't push them away because of your fatalistic nature. I have realized that you can gain new insight into and be pleasantly surprised by the friends you have known since you were three feet tall.

As for my present life, I have made a lot of discoveries. I now know I can share rooms with the most slovenly person I have known. I also know now that its possible for a group of people to share everything except their tooth-brushes and underwear. That Communism maybe wasn't that a bad idea, equitable distribution of money leads to everyone having an equal share of the beers on the table. That it is possible for guys to think about their friends while sharing some food. That it is possible to take care of a whole wing when everyone else is broke. That it is possible to miss a friend whose sole purpose in the company is to eat every other person's brain with his wisecracks. That it is possible that a person can share designer stuff among his more uncouth friends who don't value the finer tastes of life. And that someone can a take a fall for you.

And some friendships cannot be defined. They bring a glow into your whole being that makes the whole existence beatified. Their absence makes you fret with anxiety and their presence worth the wait. You feel the urge to invite them into that private attic of yours from where the both of you can peek into that thing intrinsic of you, your soul. I am a skeptic of the idea of soul mates, but maybe this is the thing closest to that.