My name is Rashmi Ranjan Nayak. Of all the names available in the Oriya pantheon my parents had to choose this one. Now after spending 22 years of my troubled existence with this name stamped on me, I have reconciled with the fact that my name will always sound feminine.
Yes, of all my petty woes this not the least. I still cringe when I see the ludicrous looks on an acquaintance from another state when he hears of my name. I can feel the perplexed mirth rising in him. I also remember some of my certificates being christened as Miss Rashmi Ranjan Nayak. Asinine and visually impaired, the fools couldn't probably place the Ranjan part of my name. But I am not speaking of assholes now. The most mortifying moment arises when you have a girl in your company named Rashmi.At those junctures of life, you just wish you were any commonplace Anil, Rahul, Rajesh, Sunil or whatever but this.
I feel happy when I meet some of my namesakes(mind you male ones). I feel an undercurrent of empathy and solidarity with them. In the days when Orkut was becoming a rage and your social standing was measured directly proportional to the number of scraps and fans, I used to be a member of a community named "My name is Rashmi". Anyways I left this community on realising that a majority of the members were girls.
I once tried to delve deeper into this morbid fascination of naming boys with feminine names. Examples abound from my own name to Jyoti which can be juxtaposed with Prakash or Ranjan. Then you have Debi. I have known Debidutts, Debi Prasannas to Debi Prasads. Nishis, Laxmis and Deeptis are also common in Oriya households. But my name takes the cake in sounding most feminine.
Every feminine first name is accompanied with a feeble masculine middle name. Well the truth is in this modern world obsessed with acronyms and short forms the middle name is generally lost. When the English language is itself under threat, what chance do our petty names stand.
And the reason behind this antiquated custom. Apparently Oriya people are of the opinion that men with feminine names have lady luck shining upon them. Yeah the shine is almost a glare and I am blinded by it.
P.S. I think I know why I am blinded. Etymology suggests Rashmi means the sun's rays and Rashmi Ranjan is the sun itself. LOL
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A Treatise on the various slangs of Modern India
XXX-RATED!!!PROFANE CONTENT
READER’S DISCRETION IS DEEPLY ADVISED
Engineering institutes have such an oxymoronic existence. Glassy, multicoloured facades harboring dulled, grey brains inside. Wide, smooth roads going hand in hand with a ban on bikes. An incredible 20:1 ratio of boys:girls ratio. I suspect this ratio is more skewed if we take the ratio of (males+non-males):females. Galore of PhD holders who cant teach without peeking into chits every 5 seconds. Students who had more knowledge when they came in than when they pass out. Mess food that when consumed tries to defy the natural law of gravitation and comes out from the mouth rather than coming out from the ass. Slangs being the first words you get to imbibe from the mind boggling medley of languages.
Now slangs are hardly used literally. Rather they are used as punctuation, or emphasis, as innocuous a word as 'shit' or 'damn' or just a means of beckoning or referring to someone. Slangs can be endearing or really dirty. And the most fascinating fact about slangs is their common etymology and subject matter.
A very astute observation was made in Maximum City by Suketu Mehta. “The different countries of India can be identified by the way each pronounces the word bhenchod- from the Punjabi bhaenchod to the thin Bambaiyya pinchud to the Gujarati bhenchow to the Bhopali elaboration bhen-ka-lowda. Parsis use it all the time, grandmothers, five-year-olds, casually and without any discernible purpose except as filler: 'Here, bhenchod, get me a glass of water.' 'Arre, bhenchod, I went to the bhenchod bank today.”
By far the funniest and sweetest slangs that I have heard are from my Assamese friends. Its almost lyrical in composition and involves the juxtaposition of a lot of profanity. One of my favorites goes like this “maksudu sudirbhai bhonieksuda kotimora rokatkhuwa”. When translated it reads motherfucker brotherfucker sisterfucker………… The rest is too gross to go on. But the most famous assamese slang that will be etched in our memories is bal, the name with which one of my friends has been christened with. Its sister language Bengali possesses fewer expletives the most common one being bokachoda, or foolfucker or Khankir Chele meaning son of a bitch .
I personally find Oriya slangs a bit more coarse than Assamese and Bengali . The most popular ones being maghia, or motherfucker; or chhodipua, whose origins are very obscure and cannot be accurately verified. Gandimara or assfucker also reigns among some people. And there is also the punctuation slang banda meaning cock. But lets gloss over the remaining ones and go south.
Now my interaction with people from south is quite limited, mostly restricted to the indomitable gultis. Now the term gulti itself is a portmanteau slang according to popular literature but I cannot be sure. Gultis here have byfar adopted Hindi and Oriya slangs. The only discernible profanity from Telegu is lanja kodaka or son of a bitch. Now my gulti friends did not offer further co-operation in the debasing of their language. Down further south I am aware of just two slangs, Kunji Poo or a cock turd and mair meaning pubic hair. Incidendentally mair finds a place in our unofficial NIT Rourkela slogan.
Finally I come to the Hindi heartland, home to the most popular profanities. Suketu has already given a fine testimony to bhenchod. I need not describe more. Other than bhenchod we have got machod or in Bhojpuri madarjat, popularised by Ajay Devgan in the cult movie Gangajaal. Related slangs include maa-ki-ankh or maa-ka-bhosda or maa-ka lawda or maa-ki-chut. I haven’t gone deep into the etymology of bhosda so cant help with its meaning. Then there is randi-ka-pilla, jhaantu, gaandu, bhosdiwale, laude-ka-bal, betichod, tharki etc. Of course punctuaction slangs are galore like lund, lauda, chut, choddu etc. But the most common and loved slang is chusega mera or chus which of course means suck my dick. Men really do have a fetish for oral ministrations.
Anyways wrapping up, I feel that although these slangs can be very easily related to their anglicized versions they are deigned as uncouth, coarse and vulgar. People find motherfucker easier to say than madarchod. Probably many are under the illusion that hurling profanities in english makes you more polished, urbane and coool. Fool’s Paradise eh! :P
READER’S DISCRETION IS DEEPLY ADVISED
Engineering institutes have such an oxymoronic existence. Glassy, multicoloured facades harboring dulled, grey brains inside. Wide, smooth roads going hand in hand with a ban on bikes. An incredible 20:1 ratio of boys:girls ratio. I suspect this ratio is more skewed if we take the ratio of (males+non-males):females. Galore of PhD holders who cant teach without peeking into chits every 5 seconds. Students who had more knowledge when they came in than when they pass out. Mess food that when consumed tries to defy the natural law of gravitation and comes out from the mouth rather than coming out from the ass. Slangs being the first words you get to imbibe from the mind boggling medley of languages.
Now slangs are hardly used literally. Rather they are used as punctuation, or emphasis, as innocuous a word as 'shit' or 'damn' or just a means of beckoning or referring to someone. Slangs can be endearing or really dirty. And the most fascinating fact about slangs is their common etymology and subject matter.
A very astute observation was made in Maximum City by Suketu Mehta. “The different countries of India can be identified by the way each pronounces the word bhenchod- from the Punjabi bhaenchod to the thin Bambaiyya pinchud to the Gujarati bhenchow to the Bhopali elaboration bhen-ka-lowda. Parsis use it all the time, grandmothers, five-year-olds, casually and without any discernible purpose except as filler: 'Here, bhenchod, get me a glass of water.' 'Arre, bhenchod, I went to the bhenchod bank today.”
By far the funniest and sweetest slangs that I have heard are from my Assamese friends. Its almost lyrical in composition and involves the juxtaposition of a lot of profanity. One of my favorites goes like this “maksudu sudirbhai bhonieksuda kotimora rokatkhuwa”. When translated it reads motherfucker brotherfucker sisterfucker………… The rest is too gross to go on. But the most famous assamese slang that will be etched in our memories is bal, the name with which one of my friends has been christened with. Its sister language Bengali possesses fewer expletives the most common one being bokachoda, or foolfucker or Khankir Chele meaning son of a bitch .
I personally find Oriya slangs a bit more coarse than Assamese and Bengali . The most popular ones being maghia, or motherfucker; or chhodipua, whose origins are very obscure and cannot be accurately verified. Gandimara or assfucker also reigns among some people. And there is also the punctuation slang banda meaning cock. But lets gloss over the remaining ones and go south.
Now my interaction with people from south is quite limited, mostly restricted to the indomitable gultis. Now the term gulti itself is a portmanteau slang according to popular literature but I cannot be sure. Gultis here have byfar adopted Hindi and Oriya slangs. The only discernible profanity from Telegu is lanja kodaka or son of a bitch. Now my gulti friends did not offer further co-operation in the debasing of their language. Down further south I am aware of just two slangs, Kunji Poo or a cock turd and mair meaning pubic hair. Incidendentally mair finds a place in our unofficial NIT Rourkela slogan.
Finally I come to the Hindi heartland, home to the most popular profanities. Suketu has already given a fine testimony to bhenchod. I need not describe more. Other than bhenchod we have got machod or in Bhojpuri madarjat, popularised by Ajay Devgan in the cult movie Gangajaal. Related slangs include maa-ki-ankh or maa-ka-bhosda or maa-ka lawda or maa-ki-chut. I haven’t gone deep into the etymology of bhosda so cant help with its meaning. Then there is randi-ka-pilla, jhaantu, gaandu, bhosdiwale, laude-ka-bal, betichod, tharki etc. Of course punctuaction slangs are galore like lund, lauda, chut, choddu etc. But the most common and loved slang is chusega mera or chus which of course means suck my dick. Men really do have a fetish for oral ministrations.
Anyways wrapping up, I feel that although these slangs can be very easily related to their anglicized versions they are deigned as uncouth, coarse and vulgar. People find motherfucker easier to say than madarchod. Probably many are under the illusion that hurling profanities in english makes you more polished, urbane and coool. Fool’s Paradise eh! :P
Friday, May 8, 2009
Of Visual and Hormonal Gratification
One day I heard this in passing " Beauty is skin-deep but ugliness goes right through to the bones". Now I am not being a sexist but after spending three years in a government engineering college I know how to call a spade a spade. " Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" said Keats. I think if Keats were to spend one year in this college then he wouldn't care much to sound politically correct. So bereft of any visual gratification I look up to the celluloid to calm my agonized hormones.
Now suppose I had a surreal experience like that of Hugh Grant in Notting Hill, I really wouldn't have given a damn who the screen goddess was. But coz I am the one writing this blog instead of any other screenplay writer I get to select my favorites. Here are my TOP 15. Kate Winslet reigns, rest are not in any particular order.
KATE WINSLET
"Tis indeed a miracle, one must feel, that such a heavenly creature is real". She stepped into stardom in Heavenly Creatures with this famous line. I have been in love with her since 1997 ever since the titan-red haired beauty Rose DeWitt Bukater gazed with apprehension at the massive bulk of Titanic. There is simply no woman on earth who can compare with this ethereal beauty. No actress brings the screen to life as her, no one sets up such a tangible connection with the audience as her.
May it be her bohemian roles in Quills or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or a caring mother in Finding Neverland,a condemned SS Guard in The Reader or a woman whose marital life is in shambles as in Revolutionary Road, there is unmatched pleasure in the simple act of watching her.
NICOLE KIDMAN
A pretty face in Days of Thunder, I had not noticed her much until the sultry scenes in Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. I had not been aroused that much since the scene where Kate Winslet poses nude in Titanic. But then I was blasted off my feet by Moulin Rouge. Man what a musical!! Then my respect for the histrionic skills of this long legged beauty grew with her brilliant performances in The Others, The Hours and Cold Mountain.
JULIA ROBERTS
She is not that a beauty. Truth be spoken, I don't like the lanky and gawky look.
But what would I not give for a date with Vivian Ward of Pretty Woman( arguably the most famous hooker of all times) or Anna Scott of Notting Hall. Boy that " I am just a girl asking a boy to love her" line nearly moved me to tears. :P
ANGELINA JOLIE
Forget her movies. Her histrionic skills only impress in The Changeling and the classic Girl, Interrupted. But those pouty lips which invite legions of men to drown in them, those sultry looks and that figure to die for, these are my main interests in a Jolie starrer. And yeah I don't think I need to mention Original Sin. Did they use body doubles in those extensive scenes? :P
MEG RYAN
Not just America's sweetheart but mine too. No one plays that girl next door image better than this doe-eyed beauty. That fake orgasm in When Harry met Sally to the so confused girl in Sleepless in Seattle to the pugnacious book store owner in You've got Mail she always captures the heart with her pasty pudding looks, that heart warming smile and a good dose of romance and comedy.
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Well I also don't remember her much for her acting skills. Barring Traffic, Intolerable Cruelty and Chicago there have rarely been eye-catching performances from her. But she is grace and imperiousness personified and possesses an incredible screen persona.
SHARON STONE
Nothing much to say about her than that famous leg crossing scene in Basic Instinct. Personally I thought the movie conveyed more trauma and pain in its erotic scenes rather than lust.
RENEE ZELLWEGER
Her diminutive eyes and chubby countenance make up for a heady combination that never fails to allure you. From Jerry Maguire, Casino, Bridget Jone's Diary and Cold Mountain I have always enjoyed watching her.
MERYL STREEP
She is not a beauty but what an actress she is!!! Her mere presence lifts a movie out of mediocrity and she has got an unprecedented 15 Academy Awards nominations to do the talking for her.
JULIANNE MOORE
She is so goddamn beautiful. Heart-breaking even at this age, her divine presence is unforgettable in Boogie Nights, The Hours and Far from Heaven. In the last mentioned movie she probably delivered one of the most remarkable performances in recent memory.
AUDREY TATOU
Probably the best known french actress, her performance in Amelie left one short of words. Her sweet, cute and ludicrous imagination combined for a character which not only garnered rave reviews but also etched herself forever in the audience's minds. Why the Oscar went to No Man's Land is unfathomable.
RACHEL WEISZ
Along with Kate Winslet she is the one actress I would give my arm away for a date. Quite underrated,her roles in The Constant Gardener, About a Boy and Runaway Jury are quite commendable besides the unforgettable Mummy.
LIV TYLER
Just one scene in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring where her character Arwen challenges the Nine to cross the river and claim Frodo. The rest is cinematic nirvana. That timbre in her voice and that haunting beauty.
MARISA TOMEI
No had stripped better since Demi Moore when Marisa Tomei bared all in The Wrestler. I think she deserved an Oscar for this performance more than My Cousin Vinny where she is almost unrecognizable. She also looked gorgeous in Anger Management and What Women Want.
MONICA BELLUCCI
Last but not the least, Monica Bellucci is the sexiest woman alive. My first memories of her are from a photo shoot where she was only clad with caviar leaving little to imagination. What a subject for the camera!
Now suppose I had a surreal experience like that of Hugh Grant in Notting Hill, I really wouldn't have given a damn who the screen goddess was. But coz I am the one writing this blog instead of any other screenplay writer I get to select my favorites. Here are my TOP 15. Kate Winslet reigns, rest are not in any particular order.
KATE WINSLET
"Tis indeed a miracle, one must feel, that such a heavenly creature is real". She stepped into stardom in Heavenly Creatures with this famous line. I have been in love with her since 1997 ever since the titan-red haired beauty Rose DeWitt Bukater gazed with apprehension at the massive bulk of Titanic. There is simply no woman on earth who can compare with this ethereal beauty. No actress brings the screen to life as her, no one sets up such a tangible connection with the audience as her.
May it be her bohemian roles in Quills or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or a caring mother in Finding Neverland,a condemned SS Guard in The Reader or a woman whose marital life is in shambles as in Revolutionary Road, there is unmatched pleasure in the simple act of watching her.
NICOLE KIDMAN
A pretty face in Days of Thunder, I had not noticed her much until the sultry scenes in Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. I had not been aroused that much since the scene where Kate Winslet poses nude in Titanic. But then I was blasted off my feet by Moulin Rouge. Man what a musical!! Then my respect for the histrionic skills of this long legged beauty grew with her brilliant performances in The Others, The Hours and Cold Mountain.
JULIA ROBERTS
She is not that a beauty. Truth be spoken, I don't like the lanky and gawky look.
But what would I not give for a date with Vivian Ward of Pretty Woman( arguably the most famous hooker of all times) or Anna Scott of Notting Hall. Boy that " I am just a girl asking a boy to love her" line nearly moved me to tears. :P
ANGELINA JOLIE
Forget her movies. Her histrionic skills only impress in The Changeling and the classic Girl, Interrupted. But those pouty lips which invite legions of men to drown in them, those sultry looks and that figure to die for, these are my main interests in a Jolie starrer. And yeah I don't think I need to mention Original Sin. Did they use body doubles in those extensive scenes? :P
MEG RYAN
Not just America's sweetheart but mine too. No one plays that girl next door image better than this doe-eyed beauty. That fake orgasm in When Harry met Sally to the so confused girl in Sleepless in Seattle to the pugnacious book store owner in You've got Mail she always captures the heart with her pasty pudding looks, that heart warming smile and a good dose of romance and comedy.
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Well I also don't remember her much for her acting skills. Barring Traffic, Intolerable Cruelty and Chicago there have rarely been eye-catching performances from her. But she is grace and imperiousness personified and possesses an incredible screen persona.
SHARON STONE
Nothing much to say about her than that famous leg crossing scene in Basic Instinct. Personally I thought the movie conveyed more trauma and pain in its erotic scenes rather than lust.
RENEE ZELLWEGER
Her diminutive eyes and chubby countenance make up for a heady combination that never fails to allure you. From Jerry Maguire, Casino, Bridget Jone's Diary and Cold Mountain I have always enjoyed watching her.
MERYL STREEP
She is not a beauty but what an actress she is!!! Her mere presence lifts a movie out of mediocrity and she has got an unprecedented 15 Academy Awards nominations to do the talking for her.
JULIANNE MOORE
She is so goddamn beautiful. Heart-breaking even at this age, her divine presence is unforgettable in Boogie Nights, The Hours and Far from Heaven. In the last mentioned movie she probably delivered one of the most remarkable performances in recent memory.
AUDREY TATOU
Probably the best known french actress, her performance in Amelie left one short of words. Her sweet, cute and ludicrous imagination combined for a character which not only garnered rave reviews but also etched herself forever in the audience's minds. Why the Oscar went to No Man's Land is unfathomable.
RACHEL WEISZ
Along with Kate Winslet she is the one actress I would give my arm away for a date. Quite underrated,her roles in The Constant Gardener, About a Boy and Runaway Jury are quite commendable besides the unforgettable Mummy.
LIV TYLER
Just one scene in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring where her character Arwen challenges the Nine to cross the river and claim Frodo. The rest is cinematic nirvana. That timbre in her voice and that haunting beauty.
MARISA TOMEI
No had stripped better since Demi Moore when Marisa Tomei bared all in The Wrestler. I think she deserved an Oscar for this performance more than My Cousin Vinny where she is almost unrecognizable. She also looked gorgeous in Anger Management and What Women Want.
MONICA BELLUCCI
Last but not the least, Monica Bellucci is the sexiest woman alive. My first memories of her are from a photo shoot where she was only clad with caviar leaving little to imagination. What a subject for the camera!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
SEVEN SINS
I am proud. My pride is not the vanity of the bourgeoise or the vainglory of the foolish. My pride is not malicious, airy and condescending. I have the pride of a morally ambitious person striving towards my own perfection. My pride acknowledges the good and noble, rejecting the weak and insipid. My pride doesnot allow me to accept irrational virtues codified by others neither does it accept an unearned guilt or shame. It doesnot allow me to submit passively to the will of others and rejects everything before the reality of my self esteem.
I am envious. My envy is not the the pain caused by the good fortune of others. It is not the green eyed monster consumed with malcontent for others. It does not cause any exhilaration in the misfortune of others. My envy is the drive to reach the pinnacle of my desires. It is the force that sustains me in bouts of self doubt. It convinces me that I am inferior to no one.
I am wrathful. My wrath is not self-destructive nor is it blind. My wrath does not seek vengeance, it does not exceed my personal dignity neither is it insensitive to social justice. My wrath is intrinsic to me. It spurs me in the hour of greatest need where its absence would have rendered me craven and imbecile. My wrath lets me hold my own against an aggressor and does not belittle my self esteem in front of others.
I am slothful. My slothfulness is neither asinine nor apathetic. My slothfulness is the feeling of a quiet siesta after a hearty lunch. It is feeling of lying quietly in a bed of flowers enjoying the dying wisps of the evening sun. It is feeling of ennui I develop in a full moon’s night when the world is bathed with a pearly sheen. It is the feeling which I have at times to sit by and watch the world pass by. My slothfulness preserves my sanity in a dog eat dog world of unhealthy competition, a race of men who earn for faster automobiles and taller buildings.
I am greedy. My greed is not the rapacious desire and pursuit of money, wealth and power. It is not materialistic. My greed is the etenal craving inside me to capture the small moments which make my life beautiful. My greed is for companionship, love and good times. I am greedy for the moments of love and pampering of my parents, the peal of laughter for a joke among friends and the engulfing happiness over a small success.
I am gluttonous. My gluttony is not the over-indulgence in food or a misplaced desire for food and drinks. My gluttony neither seeks a bowl of caviar nor some exquisite dish to satisfy my palate. My gluttony makes my lip wet with anticipation for a meal cooked by my mother. It is the feeling of satisfaction when I nibble on a piece of tandoor or the feeling of self contentedness when I sip on a can of beer in a hot parched night. It takes pleasure in the taste of simple yet enriching food.
I am lustful. My lust is not lecherous nor is it subject to perversion. My lust is not the inordinate and self consuming immoderate desire for flesh. My lust seeks the tender touch of my beloved, her coquettish glances, her nervous laughter, her cascading curls which invite me to sleep forever burying my nose in them. It seeks her lips which when touched feels like the first sip of wine after crossing the desert. My lust seeks culmination in a vision of red. A red-letter day of my life, a red sari, the red on her brow, the red of the glowing embers which will bear mute testimony to my stepping on the threshold of a new life.
I am envious. My envy is not the the pain caused by the good fortune of others. It is not the green eyed monster consumed with malcontent for others. It does not cause any exhilaration in the misfortune of others. My envy is the drive to reach the pinnacle of my desires. It is the force that sustains me in bouts of self doubt. It convinces me that I am inferior to no one.
I am wrathful. My wrath is not self-destructive nor is it blind. My wrath does not seek vengeance, it does not exceed my personal dignity neither is it insensitive to social justice. My wrath is intrinsic to me. It spurs me in the hour of greatest need where its absence would have rendered me craven and imbecile. My wrath lets me hold my own against an aggressor and does not belittle my self esteem in front of others.
I am slothful. My slothfulness is neither asinine nor apathetic. My slothfulness is the feeling of a quiet siesta after a hearty lunch. It is feeling of lying quietly in a bed of flowers enjoying the dying wisps of the evening sun. It is feeling of ennui I develop in a full moon’s night when the world is bathed with a pearly sheen. It is the feeling which I have at times to sit by and watch the world pass by. My slothfulness preserves my sanity in a dog eat dog world of unhealthy competition, a race of men who earn for faster automobiles and taller buildings.
I am greedy. My greed is not the rapacious desire and pursuit of money, wealth and power. It is not materialistic. My greed is the etenal craving inside me to capture the small moments which make my life beautiful. My greed is for companionship, love and good times. I am greedy for the moments of love and pampering of my parents, the peal of laughter for a joke among friends and the engulfing happiness over a small success.
I am gluttonous. My gluttony is not the over-indulgence in food or a misplaced desire for food and drinks. My gluttony neither seeks a bowl of caviar nor some exquisite dish to satisfy my palate. My gluttony makes my lip wet with anticipation for a meal cooked by my mother. It is the feeling of satisfaction when I nibble on a piece of tandoor or the feeling of self contentedness when I sip on a can of beer in a hot parched night. It takes pleasure in the taste of simple yet enriching food.
I am lustful. My lust is not lecherous nor is it subject to perversion. My lust is not the inordinate and self consuming immoderate desire for flesh. My lust seeks the tender touch of my beloved, her coquettish glances, her nervous laughter, her cascading curls which invite me to sleep forever burying my nose in them. It seeks her lips which when touched feels like the first sip of wine after crossing the desert. My lust seeks culmination in a vision of red. A red-letter day of my life, a red sari, the red on her brow, the red of the glowing embers which will bear mute testimony to my stepping on the threshold of a new life.
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