SEVEN SINS

I am proud. My pride is not the vanity of the bourgeoise or the vainglory of the foolish. My pride is not malicious, airy and condescending. I have the pride of a morally ambitious person striving towards my own perfection. My pride acknowledges the good and noble, rejecting the weak and insipid. My pride doesnot allow me to accept irrational virtues codified by others neither does it accept an unearned guilt or shame. It doesnot allow me to submit passively to the will of others and rejects everything before the reality of my self esteem.

I am envious. My envy is not the the pain caused by the good fortune of others. It is not the green eyed monster consumed with malcontent for others. It does not cause any exhilaration in the misfortune of others. My envy is the drive to reach the pinnacle of my desires. It is the force that sustains me in bouts of self doubt. It convinces me that I am inferior to no one.

I am wrathful. My wrath is not self-destructive nor is it blind. My wrath does not seek vengeance, it does not exceed my personal dignity neither is it insensitive to social justice. My wrath is intrinsic to me. It spurs me in the hour of greatest need where its absence would have rendered me craven and imbecile. My wrath lets me hold my own against an aggressor and does not belittle my self esteem in front of others.

I am slothful. My slothfulness is neither asinine nor apathetic. My slothfulness is the feeling of a quiet siesta after a hearty lunch. It is feeling of lying quietly in a bed of flowers enjoying the dying wisps of the evening sun. It is feeling of ennui I develop in a full moon’s night when the world is bathed with a pearly sheen. It is the feeling which I have at times to sit by and watch the world pass by. My slothfulness preserves my sanity in a dog eat dog world of unhealthy competition, a race of men who earn for faster automobiles and taller buildings.

I am greedy. My greed is not the rapacious desire and pursuit of money, wealth and power. It is not materialistic. My greed is the etenal craving inside me to capture the small moments which make my life beautiful. My greed is for companionship, love and good times. I am greedy for the moments of love and pampering of my parents, the peal of laughter for a joke among friends and the engulfing happiness over a small success.

I am gluttonous. My gluttony is not the over-indulgence in food or a misplaced desire for food and drinks. My gluttony neither seeks a bowl of caviar nor some exquisite dish to satisfy my palate. My gluttony makes my lip wet with anticipation for a meal cooked by my mother. It is the feeling of satisfaction when I nibble on a piece of tandoor or the feeling of self contentedness when I sip on a can of beer in a hot parched night. It takes pleasure in the taste of simple yet enriching food.

I am lustful. My lust is not lecherous nor is it subject to perversion. My lust is not the inordinate and self consuming immoderate desire for flesh. My lust seeks the tender touch of my beloved, her coquettish glances, her nervous laughter, her cascading curls which invite me to sleep forever burying my nose in them. It seeks her lips which when touched feels like the first sip of wine after crossing the desert. My lust seeks culmination in a vision of red. A red-letter day of my life, a red sari, the red on her brow, the red of the glowing embers which will bear mute testimony to my stepping on the threshold of a new life.